Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
