FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
