I looked at my own cervix.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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