is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
