TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
