so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
