He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
