I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
