I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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