Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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