i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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