Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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