so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
