I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
