I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
