I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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