I wanna bring you to show and tell
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
honey bunches of taint.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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