I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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