Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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