No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
