You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i think my cat just said my name.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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