listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ruined the universe
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
