Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
