your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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