his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
