Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
