just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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