Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's rum buckets o'clock
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
