My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
