I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
