When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
