I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
