i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
