So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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