Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
