3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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