i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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