When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
