Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
