I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
