She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
