just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
