shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
