Just mADE A PArabola og urine
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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