There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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