just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
