I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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