I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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