Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
