I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You're a disaster
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