I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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